The most poetic spam ever written.

This post is a little out of character for this blog and for me… but fuck it.

I received this email on Wednesday, August 15, 2007.  It is the most beautiful spam email I have ever received, and I wanted to share it with you all.

Poetic Spam

What is this spam saying? What is it telling us?

I believe this spam is saying, in an abstract way, that sleep is a redeeming quality of our existence; it deserves the highest praise, the highest merit, because it allows us the only escape from our life (prohibit reflection). It allows us to escape the fact that we are all babies inside; we are still the weak, futile individuals inside that are helpless, and still, want and need nothing more than the breast, the nipple that gives us the milk of nourishment.

Without it, we are nothing.

I saw this spam, and I had to share it; for it is beautiful.

What are your thoughts on this spam? What do you think its message is?

PS: I had Chinese food that night as well. They gave me 3 fortune cookies. This spam email was more thought provoking and enjoyable than all 3 fortunes. One of them was “When both feet are planted firmly, nothing can shake you.”

…that’s not a fortune. I want a fortune.

Whoever wrote this spam email… the Chinese people need you! You are their savior!!!! Please, if you stumble upon this blog, contact me, I will do everything in my power to help you get to the fortune cookie people so you can do what you were put on this spit of land to do!!!!

The State of Art

Art is in a very odd state right now. There are more artists than ever; websites like DeviantArt.com have thousands of members with hundreds of new prints available every day. Yet if you asked a random person off the street to name a living artist: they can’t.

Every now and then you will find someone who can name someone; Damien Hirst for example: but most people don’t pay attention to art, or even more importantly, artists.

So why do more people enter this field? Why do more people want the frustration of being ignored? The pain of being another face in the crowd? The reality of being “normal” in a field that prides itself on uniqueness, when actually being involved in it at all seems to be the norm these days.

For me, I make a living in the commercial side of art. Making posters, cup designs, flyers, billboards, and other items for a franchising company. However some artists consider this “selling out.” These are artists I’ve met in college classes who have never made a dime off of their art and are usually house wives or teenagers, but consider me a sell out for working for “the man.”

They hold on to the belief that they will be the next Da Vinci. That their photo of their cat ran through a filter in Photoshop will be loved by many. But love doesn’t pay the bills and I can tell you, I have never been in an empty college art class, nor have I seen the same people twice.

I relate to them though. Because of my work, my online portfolios on empty because my work is technically owned by the company I work for. I work Monday through Friday, usually 7:30AM-5PM, so I make dozens of pieces a week. Yet my portfolios online haven’t been updated in months. I have permission to post my art from work on there, I just haven’t. I don’t know why, I have legal permission and permission from the owner of the company. I just don’t want to risk upsetting anyone I suppose.

But when you are “freelance” or “independent,” you can make that a stipulation of your work; that you have the right to display whatever you make online, as your work.

But can there really be a demand for this many artists? Does the world need so many artists? Where is all of this art going?!

To find out, we went to the streets! (Not really, I just always wanted to say that. Those news reporters sound so official saying that right before interviewing some homeless guy about what he thinks of a bridge…)

My tattoo artist (Maverick at Cool Ink, check him out) told me in April of last year, who told me that probably 70% of the people he inks claim to be some kind of artist. When he found out what I did, he remarked “Oh, you’re a real artist. You actually pay the bills with your art, not some cunt of a house wife with a hobby.”

More important than what is the point of all of these artists is, why don’t people pay attention to art anymore? Is art seen as a lost art (pardon the pun)? A relic of the past?

Some people believe iPods are to blame. While I don’t think that is true; an iPod is just a marketing term for a hard drive with software on it to play MP3’s (iRiver > iPod anyways) it is an interesting perspective.

Society has almost adapted the Pokemon “collect ‘em all” philosophy for everything. Get the fastest car, the biggest house, the most music on your iPod and phone, the biggest iPod, the newest phone, the newest cell phone, and in collecting all of these multiple devices that all do multiple things, can one really appreciate something like art that just… sits there?

Some people on DeviantArt.com charge as much for a simple print when for the same amount of money you could buy an Xbox 360.

Kill space marines online with people from around the world, or look at the same thing every day, all day, that never changes? Art can’t really compete with that (unless it is Starry Night… I have a soft spot for that…)

So what do we do? Do we devalue ourselves? Sell ourselves for less than we are worth? Can an artist be expected to make a living if his work is being sold for the price of a Pepsi?

Of course not, and I don’t have all of the answers nor will I ever claim to. But this is written for everyone; artists and you boring people:

The next time you have the opportunity to buy art, think about how far the art world has fallen. Think about how you can contribute to it by just supporting any of your local artists (sorry DeviantArt.com but I would always support a local, struggling artist than a faceless artist on a website who gets 400,000 page views a day along with 30 virtual blow jobs per hour.).

And the next time you artists try to sell your art online for insane prices: …come on. If someone can buy a next-generation gaming system instead of your painting, albeit a beautiful painting of a vampire, they probably will. You have to think of other people before greed and even necessity. A $20 painting is likely to sell more with the logic of “Wow, a great painting for only $20!” than selling 1 painting for $400.

Greed is the downfall of all beasts.

Target Audience

This is just something I want to touch on. Something I think most artists don’t think of.

The next think you make a painting, digital or otherwise, take a photo, whatever; if you intend to sell it, think to yourself: What is your target audience? 

Constantly I see art online that frustrates me because it seems no one understands this simple concept. Consider the kind of person who is going to buy your art. I’m 22 years old, so for me, this is exactly like High School. Are you selling art to the Preps? Goths? Nerds? Punks? Skinheads? Skaters?

Each audience will like different things. Once you take the time to understand your audience, you will understand the beast that is the sell. 

Thinking of your target audience is the difference between selling 5 works of art and 500. No bullshit.

It doesn’t mean altering your art, censoring it, none of that. It just means holding back sometimes and thinking of what you want to achieve. 

These clusterfucks that try to hit every market don’t work. Most of them are on websites like DeviantArt.com. Want to know why? Because when you were in High School, did you like everyone? Of course you didn’t. If you were a prep, you shunned the nerds. If you were a nerd, you hated the jocks.

People are segregated. It is in our blood: to covet, to hate, to want. 

Once you understand this simple thing, you can exploit it, and you will be a much more successful artist when it comes to sales.

(Note: don’t bother giving me that “art is about more than sales” shit. This is 2007. You all want to be millionaires. You all made me have to hear the names Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan on a daily basis, because it sure wasn’t me; so you are getting this lecture. You brought this on yourself, and you care about sales, because you want to be like Ms. Lohan and Ms. Hilton, that’s why you popularized them. I’m not taking the blame on that one, that one was all you.)

What you are waiting for.

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What is an artist?

What is an artist? Can a person just decide they are an artist? Do you have to go to school to be qualified as an artist? Is everyone really an artist? Is no one really an artist? Let’s explore some of the definitions that are found for this term, and try to come to a real definition if there is one.

Dictionary.com
1.         A person who produces works in any of the arts that are primarily subject to aesthetic criteria.
2.         A person who practices one of the fine arts, esp. a painter or sculptor.
3.         A person whose trade or profession requires a knowledge of design, drawing, painting, etc.: a commercial artist.
4.         A person who works in one of the performing arts, as an actor, musician, or singer; a public performer: a mime artist; an artist of the dance.
5.         A person whose work exhibits exceptional skill.
6.         A person who is expert at trickery or deceit: He’s an artist with cards.
7.         Obsolete. An artisan.

All seem reasonable to a degree, except #6. A person that is an expert at trickery or deceit. See when I read that it furthers my belief that the word is completely superfluous. It’s nothing but a grammatical cock stroke. You’re telling me when an executive posts a “now hiring” ad online for artists that they could be looking for con-men?

American Heritage Dictionary
1.         One, such as a painter, sculptor, or writer, who is able by virtue of imagination and talent or skill to create works of aesthetic value, especially             in the fine arts.
2.         A person whose work shows exceptional creative ability or skill: You are an artist in the kitchen.
3.         One, such as an actor or singer, who works in the performing arts.
4.         One who is adept at an activity, especially one involving trickery or deceit: a con artist.

These are all okay, but let’s continue pointing out #4. 

Digital American Heritage Dictionary
1.         One who practices any of the fine arts, esp. painting, sculpture, or music.
2.         One whose work shows skill.

Here’s the big one: #2; one whose work shows skill. This is where the veritable shit hits the fan for me. 

A receptionists work shows skill; a taxi drivers work shows skill, a janitors work shows skill. However none of these people are deemed artists by society or by themselves.

Why? Because “artists” have warped the term into such a meaningless lump of bile. However let’s not jump to a conclusion yet. Let’s continue looking at more definitions. 

Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary [10th Edition]
1.         One skilled or versed in learned arts.
2.         One who professes and practices imaginative art.
3.         A person skilled in one of the fine arts.
4.         A skilled performer.
5.         One who is adept at something.

Okay. Let’s continue where we left off. One skilled in learned arts? Aren’t learned arts a synonym for a learned craft, which is a fancy word for a job? So you’re skilled at your job. Hopefully everyone is skilled at their job otherwise they will be fired. 

This differs from #3; which is fine arts.

But another big one is #5. One is who adept at something. Merriam Webster never let me down. Isn’t everyone adept at something? Sleeping, eating, playing video games, masturbation, arm farts, brushing ones teeth, etc? Surely everyone out there is adept at one thing at least. If anyone out there is depressed enough where you claim you aren’t adept at anything; I would bet money that someone could spend 2 hours with you (or less) and find something you are good at. 

Online Etymology Dictionary
1581, “one who cultivates one of the fine arts,” from M.Fr. artiste, from It. artista, from M.L. artista, from L. ars (see art). Originally used especially of the arts presided over by the Muses (history, poetry, comedy, tragedy, music, dancing, astronomy), but also used 17c. for “one skilled in any art or craft” (including professors, surgeons, craftsmen, cooks). Now especially of “one who practices the arts of design or visual arts” (a sense first attested 1747). Artistic first recorded 1753; artistry 1868.

This is one fair enough, but I guess it is worth pointing out that “one skilled in any art or craft.” This reckons back to the fact that every one is skilled at some craft. 

WordNet
1.         A person whose creative work shows sensitivity and imagination

Fair enough. 

Kernerman English Multilangual Dictionary
1.         A person who paints pictures or is a sculptor or is skilled at one of the other arts
2.         A singer, dancer, actor etc; an artiste

Good enough as well. 

In conclusion, there is more than one printed source stating that an artist is nothing more than someone who is good at something or any craft.

Everyone walking this planet is good at something or some craft. From bus drivers, janitors and McDonalds employees to painters, digital artists and actors. 

An artist isn’t someone who is tortured by their creativity, has to wear black nail polish, drinks Starbucks, and listens to My Chemical Romance. An artist is everyone; the teacher you hate; the parents you rebel against, the boss you loathe.

Walk down a crowded street and everyone around you is an artist.

An Introduction…

Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of… well.. you know the rest.

I am the owner of IHateArtists.com. I may go into the meaning of that more later, I may not. The main reason I am writing this first is because I want to explain something right now; at the beginning of our relationship.

I am human.

You may read this and wonder; “what the fuck is this guy thinking? If he said he was a vampire zombie, does he think we would believe it blindly?”

That’s not what I mean. What I mean when I say that is I am a perfect being because I am imperfect; on Monday my opinion on a subject could be different than what it is on Friday. As a human, I am constantly growing, evolving, maturing; we all are. There’s a reason you don’t wear that stupid red and yellow hat with the pin-wheel on the top of it nowadays. It isn’t because you got “too old” for it; surely you have met someone who is 20+ years old who is way too into something society deems “immature.” One day you just decided that you didn’t like it any more.

Right now I am 22 years old. I have a full time job as a graphic artist for a world wide franchising company. So unlike a lot of “artists” online; I pay the bills with my art. My art puts food on my table.

Because of this, I get frustrated with art. I hate it, I love it; I embrace it, and I push it away. It is my lover, and it is my nemesis.

Please remember this when reading my posts. Remember that, as a human, I could change my mind about something at any moment. We are all human; we shouldn’t be expected to maintain 100% perfection.

This isn’t an excuse, by the way. I always want to be questioned on things. I am just explaining this right away so people don’t try to scream about how I like one aspect of art or dislike another. I’m a 22 year old “artist” and am a ball of mixed emotion, so be prepared if you are here.